it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
