When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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