we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
