i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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