I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Damn victory sex feels great
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
