i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
