hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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