You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
