I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
