So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
