Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
