I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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