I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
