Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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