Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your penis caused this!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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