1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
