I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
