Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
