I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
