At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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