And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
