the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
