Soap is not a condiment
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
