I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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