Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just googled if crying burns calories
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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