"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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