I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
