I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
