Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
high people should be assigned attendants
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
