I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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