Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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