the condom got lost in my hair
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
