I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
