He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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