is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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