Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
