what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The adults are the big ones right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
