im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
