My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
