I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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