he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are my feet made of real feet?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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