sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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