I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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