areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
