I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
