I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
