You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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