So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
