is your mom at the bar?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
