She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
