Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
