She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
