He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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