You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
